We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize