FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
