I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ugly people sure do ruin things
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
