real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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