Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
