What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
