i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
