12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
