This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
