I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
