You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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