i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
two words: eviction party
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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