Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
