It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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