you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
