my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
