I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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