she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize