Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
