her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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