my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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