im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
