I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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