you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just invented taco cereal.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize