i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
