id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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