Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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