we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
