Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He? As in you personified your dick?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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