I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
