some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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