I faked an abortion last night.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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