suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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