You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
