I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
