You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
