I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
