did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
they need to just BURY HIM!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize