Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
