i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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