Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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