shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
