drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
