AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
