Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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