Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Houston, we have a squirter
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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