pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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