the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
