Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
