If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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