She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
