I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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