I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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