I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize