wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize