the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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