then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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