Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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