3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
