I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
