When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
