i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
