I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
