that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
