Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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