She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
