I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So I just went to clothing optional bar
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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