i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize