Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
