guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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